I feel like I’m always running from everything

like I can’t deal with things so I just bury them and act like no one and nothing phases me. I block people out so I don’t have to deal with emotions that come with letting people in. I convince myself that it’s because I’m more mature that forming stupid relationships with people but I’m just scared. too many people that I’ve trusted have just left and it can’t happen again. I just want to be genuinely happy again.